• demonquark@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    A horse? Seriously? No way can this guy win against a horse. Have you seen horses? They’re huge.

  • PM_ME_FEET_PICS@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    What the fuck is a horse going to do with prep time? That being said, I am not confident in a 1v1 against an animal with more muscles than myself, even if incrediblely fragile.

    Pink fairy armadillo, on the other hand, would be absolutely obliterated by me in unarmed combat.

    • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      It will spy on your preparation. Make a plan. Make at least 7 alternative plans, each with contingencies for all your preparation. That’s the horses advantage - bigger head means more space to store plans.

      Of course it might get spooked by a leaf and fucking die for no reason. You never know. You can’t know. That’s what makes them so dangerous. To you, and to themselves.

          • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            Idunno, aardvarks? Other than their weird name and appearance, I don’t know much about them, but I bet they’re fascinating!

            • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
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              1 year ago

              I don’t know a lot about fantasy animals, but I can tell you that if you run into a group of five or more aardvarks at night, don’t turn around. In the best case they’ll mug you, worst case you’ll become one of them. Lost my grandpa that way.

              Aside from that they are probably based on kangaroos. You know how medieval painters were terrible at drawing lions? Modern physicists believe that two (or more) gods got really drunk, and one didn’t want to admit to the other that they don’t know what roos look like. It was probably really awkward.

              Wait. That son of a bitch…

                • FooBarrington@lemmy.world
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                  1 year ago

                  Thank you, thank you!

                  To start off, I am legally obligated to tell you that I’m not an expert in fruits, but I’ll gladly try my best. Kiwis generally come in two variants, red and green - both very different in flavor and mouthfeel. Sadly there is no way to know which one you have until your first bite (since the outside coloration is the same), but that’s part of the fun!

                  Both kinds of kiwis hunt in packs, but never intermingled. Green ones are more aerodynamic, which is why production of the red ones has been slowly phased out. Some people theorize that when God first created the world and humans, Adam actually had three balls. This put him at a great advantage compared to Eve, who only had two, so God made the third one fall off. This was the birth of the first kiwi!

      • quaddo@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        My prep would be to meet in a field of gopher holes. And hope for the best.

        That’s it. That’s my plan. Which is to say, no plan at all.

  • CheeseNoodle@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I feel like prep time gives the human the advantage, prep is basically our whole thing and you can make a lot of sharpened sticks in an hour.

    • Jerkface@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I’ve been around a few horses. If the horse knows you’re coming for it, it can and will make you regret it.

        • xantoxis@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          I can almost guarantee you are not trained to throw a spear hard enough to stop an angry, motivated horse.

            • Goblin_Mode@ttrpg.network
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              1 year ago

              I mean, to be fair, boar are hunted with spears, knights used Lances, and pike blocks were the end all be all counter to cavalry for thousands of years, specifically because sharp sticks are really good at killing things in a head on collision situation. Horse kinda doesn’t stand a chance if you bring a proper stick tbh lol

              • xantoxis@lemmy.world
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                1 year ago

                All of the things in the first sentence are true, yet I am still confident that the horse wins unless you are a knight WITH a lance or a boar hunter. I’ll even give you might get lucky and inflict a mortal wound, but that horse is still gonna kill you. I’ll also point out that the knight with the lance has his own horse, otherwise that won’t work either.

                In any case the assertion that was made by the other comment was that you could stay out of the horse’s range and throw the spear which, no, you could not. Setting a spear, which I think is what you’re suggesting, might work, but you still need to make a spear long enough and strong enough to beat the horse’s range, and you have to successfully keep it between you and the horse, and even if you did all those things a lucky hoof blow could break your carved stick. Mostly, you die from a flailing hoof in this scenario.

                • Goblin_Mode@ttrpg.network
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                  1 year ago

                  I’m by no means saying this is a definitive win. Just that setting a spear (I perhaps should have mentioned this in the previous comment) is a historically proven method of countering a charge. You might still die but I think with a proper spear odds might actually be in your favor if only slightly

                  In this very skilly hyper specific scenario where you are tasked with fighting a horse to the death, but with the stipulation that you are given prep time, I believe you could find and properly whittle a passable enough stick to function as a rudamdntary spear for the purpose of bracing against a charge, and that’s assuming you don’t have some particularly sharp metal/rocks on hand with some basic lashing materials. If the horse pulls up and tries to canter around the set spear you could hoist it up and now you have range. If it pulls back for another charge? Set it again. You don’t have to thrust with it, just hold it point out and wait for the horse to either impale itself or get tired. That’s how boar hunts work after all.

                  Like yeah I don’t like your odds lmao but its not nearly as doomed as you might think imo

          • yetAnotherUser@feddit.de
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            1 year ago

            Yeah, that’s the more difficult part.

            Well, unless the preparation time includes a few months of training, then you could probably throw spears somewhat well.

        • Jerkface@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          “On that day, mankind received a grim reminder. We lived in fear of the horses, and were disgraced to live in these cages we called walls. But then we make sharp stick.”

  • 30p87@feddit.de
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    1 year ago

    Note, they are actually much larger than the average silicon version of it. The largest I could find was 43 cm long, which is OK to take. But normally, they’re ~1 m when e… oh wait, you mean “take” as in “win against”, nvm.

    • CrowAirbrush@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      I actually made a weird ass squeek laugh sound passing that 43cm mark…it was a response of recognition xD

    • SheDiceToday@eslemmy.es
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      1 year ago

      I used to work with horses. They may be larger than the average silicon version, but if you can find it, there once was a picture of a yellow gel one (Thor Jr., I think) with a forearm and fist right next to it to compare it to, and that one should have been placed next to a real one.

    • Grumpy@sh.itjust.works
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      1 year ago

      Not sure who these foolishly brave Americans are who think they can beat an elephant and a grizzly bear bare handed.

        • Fashim@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          I think your best bet fighting a Kangaroo would be to work it from the sides, Kangaroos can’t jump backwards and usually punch or grapple and kick forwards. If you consider it like a southpaw fighting an orthodox boxer, they would have their lead foot on the outside of the orthodox fighters, making the orthodox constantly having to turn towards them while they work from the side and continue pivoting keeping an advantage on their opponent.

      • EddoWagt@feddit.nl
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        1 year ago

        Maybe a grizzly bear when you poke him in the eye just right? But an elephant… You’ve got nothing

      • FrankTheHealer@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Rats are fast though. Would depend, do I get time to set traps? Bait? Do I get a net or other weapons.

        You drop a normal guy in an area with a rat, , with no tools, weapons etc. you’d see him chase the fucker around for an hour before he gives up.

        • kadu@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          It says “if you are unarmed” so for sure no baits or traps. I’m assuming that it also doesn’t consider the possibility of the rat running away.

          You’re in a circular, smooth arena with a rat. That’s it.

      • HenryWong327@lemmy.ml
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        1 year ago

        Yeah, and it’s even higher than it appears at first cause the scale only goes up to 80%. So >30% of responders don’t think they can beat a rat in a fight.

    • SokathHisEyesOpen@lemmy.ml
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      1 year ago

      I’m glad to see that Americans are deadlier than our cousins across the pond, or at least more foolishly optimistic.

    • RockyBass@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Geese have a reputation, but i know for a fact if you actually fight back there’s not much they could really do.

      Just wanted to let you y’all know how tough i am…

  • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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    1 year ago

    Let me try, let me try:

    Lemmings, would you rather fight 100 duck sized horses or 1 horse sized duck?

    • VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.worksM
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      1 year ago

      The tiny 1ft -ish extinct Dawn-Horse was a real thing. PBS documentary modeled it as skittish, jumpy, fast, tough enough to drag and push logs. Catch a couple of those and you got youself a pair of 30mph roller skates.
      🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎

      1 horse-sized duck, male, that’s in the mood… Ever witness firemen tackle a charged firehose that broke loose and is whipping around… amorously. Now put a Clydesdale at the end of that. You may be chance lucky enough to distract it with bread, but can really only fight it from space.

      🦆

      • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        Catch a couple of those and you got youself a pair of 30mph roller skates. 🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎🐎

        Taking notes here for some… new projects.

    • Hadriscus@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Obviously the duck-sized horses, that’s not even a fight. What amounts to pretty much a t-rex, on the other hand…

      • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Nah, ducks have hollow bones, making them pretty crap in physical combat against creatures that don’t. As long as you can avoid the beak, you should be fine.

        Duck-sized horses, on the other hand, would still be faster and stronger than humans even if it’s scaled 1:1 relative to horse size vs duck size and there’s a hundred of them! You’d be swarmed in no time!

        • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works
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          1 year ago

          But they would still have instinctual skittishness, and they just got exponentially smaller then the thing they are facing.

          • Serisar@feddit.de
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            1 year ago

            Nah, they would be out for blood in this scenario, otherwise the premise of fighting them wouldn’t make any sense. The bigger problem for the tiny horses is their inability to reach the upper parts of your body. Sure, they probably have a mean bite, but because of their size and the shape of their teeth they most likely won’t be able to enclose your leg. A horse bite crushes, so keep your fingers away and you are most likely fine.

            They also have hooves, so no scratching and climbing. Horses hooves are dangerous because they have a massive horse behind it when it comes flying towards you. Take that away and they could be baby fist for all you should care.

            If you look at their jumping capabilities, yea they ar impressive for an animal of their size, but once you are 30cm tall it’s much less impressive to jump as high as you are tall (and horses really don’t jump all that high, most of it comes from tucking their legs).

            If you compare the tiny horse to a cat, the cat would be much more dangerous, because it has claws, sharp teeth and can reach your face. As long as you wear heavy boots and have a good stomping/kicking technique you should be fine versus duck sized horses.

  • Siethron@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Ignoring venom and poison, the most dangerous animal a human could realistically win against would be a wolf. That doesn’t mean I could win against a wolf, but some humans can and have.

    • myusernameblows@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      We should be talking about the average person being able to win >50% of the time, not the ideal human who wins on an off-chance.

      Personally, I’m guessing I’d be somewhere in the range of a medium sized calf

    • Lazhward@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      It’s easy, you just put your fist out so the wolf bites down on it. Then you simply shove your whole arm down its throat.

    • lol3droflxp@kbin.social
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      1 year ago

      Chimpanzees are on the same level I think. Although I’d rather fight a chimpanzee than a wolf.

      • IMongoose@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        You stand absolutely no chance against a chimp in unarmed combat. They’ve literally ripped people’s faces off.

            • 0ops@lemm.ee
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              1 year ago

              According to that article, about 1.5 times stronger. There’s a lot more deviation than that in the human population. So going by that article, if the type of person who could take on a wolf got lucky enough to be matched with an average chimp, I think they’d have a chance. Especially if they can think of a way to take advantage of the chimp’s poor endurance (also in the article).

              • enki@lemm.ee
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                1 year ago

                Chimps get up to 5ft tall and can have an 8 foot wingspan.

                • lol3droflxp@kbin.social
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                  Humans get up to 2 m (6,75 feet) tall, of course there are even taller people but this is still a healthy size. Also chimps weigh like 70 kg max while a human can be healthy weigh more than 90 kg. The question is if we get a matched opponent in terms of strength and body weight relative to their own species.

          • IMongoose@lemmy.world
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            1 year ago

            You’re right, I didn’t think about your intense face strengthening regime you will be conducting in preparation for this.

      • usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca
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        1 year ago

        I’d much rather go up against a wolf than a chimpanzee. Chimps are crazy strong, bite, and have hands to grasp and tear with

      • enki@lemm.ee
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        1 year ago

        Chimpanzees get up to five feet tall and have up to an 8 foot wingspan. The average human female is 5’4 “and males average 5’9” with a proportional wingspan. Chimps have a very high amount of fast twitch muscle fibers which are significantly stronger than the slow twitch muscle fibers that make up the majority of human muscles.

        Chimps have extremely long arms with way more lean muscle mass. And that muscle mass is 50% stronger than a human’s, making chimps 3-4 times stronger than the average human. It has massive incisors with a bite force of *** 1300 psi (8900 kPa}***. That’s more than a grizzly bear’s 950 psi.

        You have a fighting chance against a wolf. You have zero chance unarmed against a full grown chimp. It will literally rip you apart with ease.

        • ladicius@lemmy.world
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          1 year ago

          Extra scary fact: Chimps try to bite your face off in a fight.

          Yes, you’d be without a nose and eyes within seconds. Good luck for the rest of the fight.

        • lol3droflxp@kbin.social
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          You use average for humans and up to for chimps? Also body weight is a far better comparison and a strong and large human can weigh at least 1.5 times more than a chimp so the strength difference isn’t great if at all present.

          • enki@lemm.ee
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            1 year ago

            You’re the person that dies first in a horror movie because you’re too stubborn to listen to actual facts presented to you. Chimps are absolute killing machines. I don’t care if you’re 6 foot 6 and 250 pounds of pure muscle - you will not win a fight against a fully grown chimpanzee. They have two 1+ inch fangs and a bite force of 1300psi. That’s enough to bite clean through most any bone in your body. Male chimps reach about 150 or so pounds, but can get larger.

            This is what happens when a chimp attacks a human:

            The emergency crew described Nash’s injuries as “horrendous”.[19] Within the following 72 hours, Nash underwent more than seven hours of surgery on her face and hands by four teams of surgeons. The hospital provided counseling to its staff members who initially treated her because of the extraordinary nature of Nash’s wounds.[27] Paramedics noted she had lost 9 fingers, nose, eyes, lips, and mid-face bone structure and received significant brain tissue injuries.[28] Doctors removed chimpanzee hair and teeth that had been implanted into her bones and reattached her jaw…

            https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Travis_(chimpanzee)

      • ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de
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        1 year ago

        If there’s a 5% chance you could take a wolf there’s an absolute 0% chance against a chimp. A monkey or ape bigger than 3 feet tall with malice towards me is probably about the dead last thing I’d want to fight in the animal kingdom. Top three for sure.

  • elbucho@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    I could probably take my cat in a fight. There would be significant casualties on my side, to be sure, but I believe I could emerge victorious in the end.

  • Sharklaser@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    Yeah punch a horse in the face, see how many broken bones you have if you live lol

    That being said, the post is accurate, although took me less than an hour to reply

  • djsoren19@yiffit.net
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    1 year ago

    Are horse legs actually fragile, or does it take a lot of effort to break one?

    If fragile, I think people are overcomplicating this. You’ll probably get fucked up in the process, but once the horse is crippled your grim deed is done. If they’re not fragile and you’ll need to seriously wrassle them down to exert enough force, you’re almost certainly dead.

    • PersnickityPenguin@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      Uh, no. And one kick can kill you

      Horses can kick forwards, backwards and sideways. They can rear up to about 12 ft tall and stomp your head.

      Plus they weigh about 1200-1600 lbs, although percherons weigh much more.

    • Wogi@lemmy.world
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      You mean like, fighting a horse by punching it? No that fucker gonna kill you. You might win if you have a spear and you know how to use it. But if it gets to you with it’s hooves you’ve lost.

      Now if you can convince the horse you’re a lot scarier than you are, it might do what you want it to.

      • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world
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        Now if you can convince the horse you’re a lot scarier than you are, it might do what you want it to.

        Only reason why they don’t kill us on sight after all we’ve put them through: for all their amazing physical prowess, they’re also easily spooked idiots 😂

        • Wogi@lemmy.world
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          You can literally put a plastic bag on a stick and shake it at them and they will go wherever you want. Cuz it’s spooky, but not all that spooky. It’s like shaking that thing means you’re the master of the spooky stick.

      • djsoren19@yiffit.net
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        1 year ago

        Thank you for this enlightening and horrifying imagery. I will keep it in mind the next time I’m near a horse.

        • SPOOPYGHOST@lemmy.world
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          You’re most welcome. It always stuck with me because as a child I had a horsey friend whose mother had a massive skin graft on one arm where a horse had tried to remove her jumper. Every time I see one of those vids of a feral stallion just tossing a foal in the air with it’s teeth it reminds me of it :( I love horses too, but yup they are very powerful animals.

  • GCostanzaStepOnMe@feddit.de
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    1 year ago

    This always depends on how willing/aggregated the animal is. I’m fairly certain I could scare away a bear under the right conditions, but obviously not fight it.