People are painful to me. I find their presence painful. I’ve been this way since infancy. I created a suite of methods for keeping them away (methods like “passive-aggressive hostility”). These methods became deep habits. Later in life I hungered for company and couldn’t figure out why I was so bad at it. I just recently realized what’s up (thanks meditation). Do any of you relate?

  • Snot Flickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    28 days ago

    I just feel like a loser who is dead weight on everyone else’s life. So I don’t do a good job of keeping in touch with anyone, ever.

    I hunger for connection, but I assume everyone else is in the same boat: overworked, underpaid, unable to make time, and already has a boatload of problems, they don’t need one more person who needs support, so why bother wasting their time.

      • sunzu2@thebrainbin.org
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        28 days ago

        Social atomisation of the population is one of the key goal of the regime. They want to break up social connections and make everybody rely on centralized authorities for everything.

        They have succeeded at it too.

        They overwork us so we have not time or energy for being human.

    • PerogiBoi@lemmy.ca
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      27 days ago

      This has kept me from reaching out to all of my old friends. They ended up hanging out amongst themselves just like old times but I figured if they wanted me there with them too they’d invite me. Since they haven’t, they’re probably fine with me not being there/dont want me there. Oh well. Still makes me sad about missed interactions but I guess it is what it is.

      I used to be toxic (maybe I still am?) so this is my punishment for it.

      • averyminya@beehaw.org
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        27 days ago

        People are proximal! Maybe they haven’t reached out because they feel the same about you – “Man, I miss PerogiBoi! I know they’re around but they haven’t reached out to hang with our crew… they must need some space or have moved on”.

        It goes both ways!

  • cosmicrookie@lemmy.world
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    28 days ago

    I am antisocial because i dont like people. Its not keeping me down more or less than other things i am. Its just how it is.

  • some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org
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    28 days ago

    Get into therapy. The best time to start was years ago. The next best time to start is now.

    I had all kinds of anti-social coping mechanisms. Life was challenging in ways that made me an asshole. I’ve been able to unravel it about 97% and have made huge strides in other areas. I didn’t think I’d ever be where I am today. Do yourself a favor and find someone you trust (it might not be the first therapist you consult) and work on yourself.

  • lady_maria@lemmy.world
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    28 days ago

    Yeah. I mean, I genuinely do enjoy hanging out with the right kinds people. Occasionally. And for relatively short periods of time. I just have so little social energy and a lot of social anxiety. I find myself frustratingly uninterested in (and/or overwhelmed with) the idea of socializing, not even via text, and I pretty much rely on my SO for making/hanging with friends. So, not great.

    I’ve always thought I could get a lot out of meditation, but I’m so bad at sticking to literally anything. Maybe it’s just a self-fulfilling prophecy, but I’ve tried so many things in an attempt to increase socialization or even generally just improving my own life.

    I don’t really want to be this antisocial, but making and keeping close friendships seems so daunting and exhausting to me.

  • Chaos@lemmy.ml
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    27 days ago

    I am antisocial by nature although I learned how to socialize " born an introvert learned to ambivert " it is simple my brother you just have to learn how to talk with people calmly also being alone is always better because you can hear your thoughts process life to make better decisions, people are always noisy and loud and mostly the majority of them won’t help you (that’s based on my experience alone tho because people differ from each other)

  • eldavi@lemmy.ml
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    27 days ago

    i felt this way too so i started therapy a while ago and that led to getting tested and diagnosed with autism.

    i was surprised since i had known and worked with autistic people and seen depictions of them on tv and movies and never guessed that i shared the same condition that they did. many people refuse to believe that i’m autistic still.

    i got that diagnosis when i first hit middle age and learning about it made me wish that i had known sooner since that knowledge would have helped A LOT in my past.

  • multifariace@lemmy.world
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    27 days ago

    I’d say yes, but it is flipped according to you’re situation. I have struggled my entire adult life with antisocial behavior. I am the type of person who gets energy from group activities. Organizing enough people to do so has always been challenging. I also am not into the bar and club scene. Meetup.com helped for several years. That faded away before covid, but the epidemic set everyone back 20 years in social gains. I see some recovery, but other circumstances are keeping me from being able to spend more time with groups. A big part of it is people seem to avoid social interations a lot more.

  • birdcat@lemmy.ml
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    27 days ago

    CW: depression and worse

    oh god yes, extremely lonely and unable to make any new connections.

    for the most part of my life, i was one of those cannot be alone people. an afternoon or evening spent alone was painful, a full day almost unbearable. the very worst was being single, really bad, came with depression and whatnot. so i avoided being single and/or alone for +90% of the time between the teenage years and the beginnings of my 30ies.

    then, after the end of a relationship (together literally 24/7 for years), i realized that i cannot be alone and should work on that. i did that and it was good. but i got so good at it, that it now feels strange. and it did not mix well with my tendency towards depression.

    i can be with myself, but its not that im doing cool shit (anymore). im lonely and depressed to the point where… lets say it was justified that my friend contacted ppl cuz she thought im about do something bad. also i cultivated a diazepam/modafinil addiction, which i now need in combo for breakfast to have a normal day.

    but yes, i have one friend in the place where i live, and she is not a bad or toxic person, actually quite sweet and kind, but i completely cut her (and by that also her boyfriend who i really like) out of my life, blocked every way of her contacting me and ignored her repeated hammering on my door. I dont even remember why, probably she said something too much for my hypersensitivity. those months were lonely (as they all are) but not particularly worse than any other time. few months ago she came over when my door was open and i was in a good mood, so we just hugged and are friends again now, which is really nice.

    but its strange to think that, within 1 second, i was ready and then committed to end a many years lasting friendship over something that I dont even remember now. who does that when they already feel extremely lonely and literary have no one else?

    also, in the past years i rejected every single person who took any romantic interest in me. who does that when they really fucking crave this kind of company for years? also there are dating apps, why am i suddenly unable to use those?

    i wonder a lot if my life can be called a life and if i can be called a person in the real sense of those words. i feel pretty good/optimistic these days, but at some point something just went wrong i guess, and i probably need more than a few good days.

    may i ask what you realized recently, and how?