Cus its funni

the vatican couch was plush

He killed him by being near him

The pope didn’t thank him

Obviously Vance wanted to fuck the Papal seat. The pope tried to explain that he couldn’t just let Vance fuck the chair of St Peter. Vance did not like this answer.

Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN

He probably didn’t even do it on purpose. But I’m sure he did it.

Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.

One thing I’ve learned is never try to beat a couch fucker at his own game

I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao

JD Vance just existed

The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance’s presence.

JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.

Vance is too stupid to kill him, he’d fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State’s trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He’d end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.

Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.

The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD’s request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.

As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.

He’s both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more “pro-apocalypse” Pope in place.