Narrator: They would not take responsibility for their actions nor acknowledge their complicity in furthering human suffering. In fact, they would use their experience in mental gymnastics honed in defending their patronage of Chick-fil-A, Hobby Lobby, and that local coffee shop that advertises that they specifically don’t use fair trade beans and whose owner cruises around town in a replica of the General Lee from The Dukes of Hazzard, adorned with a bumper sticker that reads:
“The owner of this vehicle has never seen the popular TV Show ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’ or any of its cinematic adaptations and really just unironically likes the Confederate Battle Flag and the ideals of human slavery that it represents. How the hell are we going to fit this whole statement on a bumper sticker? Wait. You’re not typing that out too are you? You know what, fuck it. They paid up front and this gag is just getting too long without adding much in the way of humor to the situation. Just ship it.”
Narrator: They would not take responsibility for their actions nor acknowledge their complicity in furthering human suffering. In fact, they would use their experience in mental gymnastics honed in defending their patronage of Chick-fil-A, Hobby Lobby, and that local coffee shop that advertises that they specifically don’t use fair trade beans and whose owner cruises around town in a replica of the General Lee from The Dukes of Hazzard, adorned with a bumper sticker that reads: