• SirDerpy@lemmy.world
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    4 months ago

    My friend, it’s so stupid it’s looped back around into extremely wise. If you perceive a wildlife threat then the two most effective tactics are:

    1. Put a rock or tree between you and the threat, then keep it between you.

    2. Angrily yell at it while waving your arms to appear large (an air horn or a warning shot is a very effective punctuation)

    I’ve angrily told off dozens of bears.

    THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK! SHOP SMART. SHOP S-MART! YOU ONLY GET ONE SHOT. HIS PAWS ARE SWEATY. DARMOK AND JALAD ON THE OCEAN!

    • thefartographer@lemm.ee
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      4 months ago

      I’m really enjoying the mental image of a woods-based comedy thriller, a scene in which I’m loading my shotgun while trying to strategically placed myself against a rock or tree. Shouting threats and trying to reason with a squirrel or whatever that was in a tree, I fire off my shotgun, sending dozens of terrified birds and arboreous rodents fleeing and dislodging a barrage of various nuts and mast that rain on me.

      “It’s an ambush!” I cry out before pumping my own leg full of ricochet shot off of my hiding post.