z500

Sounds like the XY problem

It’s usually fine, but I download new TV shows automatically and I got a .exe instead of the new Frasier. I don’t think I’ll be downloading an actual .exe from TPB in the future lol

I once got passed by two speeding DeLoreans. I ended up catching up to them when we all hit a traffic jam.

You win a free trip to the Hague

Apparently “cotton” and “Mexican” are slurs

I wonder what the chances are that Russia did this.

I say we elect that one guy behind him who barely reacts at all

They put it back about an hour later

pan to tax preparation companies taking turns sucking off Uncle Sam

This reminds me of how I used to eat a spoonful of chunky peanut butter and then add a glug of maple syrup

I can believe it when we can barely manage to spot an asteroid heading in our direction before it’s basically whizzing past us

About 10 years ago someone actually burned to death from static discharge at a gas pump like 2 miles down the road from my house. It’s extremely rare, but it does happen.

Yeah I’m on the edge of my seat here. I demand a refund.

It’s real

TFW a passenger turns up the radio to cover a fart

Happy Threshold Day!

Glory to you… ^AND ^YOUR ^PASSWORD…

I saw George W. Bush at a grocery store in Kennebunkport yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Why are you so alarmed when I’ve gone to such trouble to look just like you?