This may sound silly, but it happens to me more often than not that I forget the simplest solution when I wake up from pain: Did you take pain relief medication and wait 30-60 min before giving up on sleep?

I know this is old, but I liked pondering the question because I made me sappy as heck, so I’ll share it with you:

Music is like a cheat-code to life, especially my internal life. The music I listen to determines my emotions, my energy level, my focus and drive, and what activities I want to do. Without music playing I’m like an empty shell. With music I recognise my existence.

I am not musical myself and I know nothing of production or quality, only what I enjoy and how it makes me feel. I was born to be an audience, and that’s a huge part of who I am and how I operate daily.

For a layperson I have a very good knowledge of my country’s laws, but there are more laws I don’t know than I do know, so I can’t really answer this question. The laws I know I understand, and thus they seem reasonable enough for me.

How they are enforced though… With high burden of proof comes low rates of convictions, for better and worse. I’m privileged enough that the system mostly works in my favour so can’t really speak on that either, as I lack nuanced experiences.

Personally I’m more happy to not have been sentenced for any of my own potential infractions, than I am pissed to have my offenders/attackers never even questioned by police. I can get justice in other ways than through criminal law anyway.

Spiders.

They protect my plants from gnats and hide out during the day to not disturb or frighten me. Best roommates I’ve ever had.

It’s crazy. My short stint working in child care I would always call the male parent first if I had their contacts, but it seems deeply ingrained in people to consider a mother “parent” and father “helper”.

Maybe they’d be more comfortable calling you if you called them every day “just to check up, to see how the kid is doing”, making it abundantly (and annoyingly) clear that you have nothing but time for your kid. And encourage your wife to respond “Have you called the primary contact?” whenever someone calls her.

I only have my own phone calendar, no shared alternatives unfortunately, but there is a multitude of options when you search for “family calendars”. Or create a personal calendar for your child with both of you having the password and colour code it for who is responsible for each entry.

Of course. I was focusing on the doing or recieving part and completely missed the second part: Are you a botherer and bothered OF/BY or ABOUT god?

It can be either one, so I’d say it depends on how religious and/or deranged the speaker is. Like you said - most would say it’s about god, while I was deranged enough to interpret it as being a direct communication with a god.

Hmm. Probably no one.

Small amounts are weird to need “no questions asked” and large amounts are too large to give away “no questions asked”. Partly for me financially, but mostly because there is a not insignificant risk of overdose if you give our large sums of money to someone being cagey about why they need it.

If they can’t tell me what a significant amount of money is for, it’s probably because it’s something I don’t want my money to go to, so I’m not inclined to agree under those premises.

At the least I would need a very good reason for why I can’t ask questions (“I’m preparing to vacation as a fugitive, and don’t want you to have to testify”), but by then there is no longer no questions asked…

Talk through how you want to deal with this in your family, but here are some suggestions:

Give daycare, pediatrics, classmates parents, and family and friends your contact info and instruct them to call you first hand for appointments, meetings or emergencies. Don’t ignore calls from babysitters, daycare or medical staff regardless of how important your current meeting is. You’re the primary contact.

A lot of them will still probably call your wife first no matter how hard you enforce this, so enforcing this will split the burden and responsibility.

Make sure you know your child’s SSN, birthday, allergies, sizes, current number of socks, favourite toys, and teachers and friends. Dress them for the weather they will be in throughout the day, and always pack extra because they will get wet or dirty or lose stuff.

Keep a family calendar where you can see appointments, and make sure to take a majority of those appointments if possible (plenty of responsibility will be pushed onto your wife regardless).

Add playmates and family members birthdays and other events to the calendar, and go shopping for gifts at least a few weeks before, without being prompted by anything other than the calendar. Wrap the gifts yourself or pay for wrapping at the store.

Let your wife know (or maybe add a checkbox to the calendar and check it off when the preparations are done) that it’s taken care of if it’s a shared task, but don’t bother her with it if it’s your specific job - that’s your responsibility and nothing she needs to keep in mind at all.

Keep count of diapers and socks and formula etc, and buy new (in the right size) without being prompted. You don’t need instructions for every little thing regarding your own child, you can take responsibility without being given it.

Everyone I would give my money to would give that reason unprompted so I wouldn’t have to ask.

Except kids, they might ask just to see if it works, and then I would ask to know what for.

I don’t think I’ve ever been asked to give away something without being offered a reason, actually…

It depends on if the subject of the sentence (the person) is doing the thing (being active) or having the thing done to them (being passive). Think like this:

A helper (help-ER) is someone who is helping/doing the help. A caller (call-ER) is calling someone else. A botherer (bother-ER) is someone who is doing the bothering.

Someone who is recieving bother is being bothered (bother-ED), one who is getting help is being helped (help-ED), or getting calls is being called (call-ED).

God-botherer is someone who is god-bothering (bothering god). God-bothered is someone being bothered by god.

Sleep mask covering my eyes. My chambers may be flooded with light to chase away the ghouls of darkness, yet not a hint of light will reach my vision to disturb my slumber.

Also the tightness feels kinda comforting, and I’ve started to associate it with good sleep and fall asleep faster now because of it

Ps. And no energy drink, coffee or caffeinated or sugary soda past 16.

We can’t fix other peoples issues for them.

We can choose to support them if they are actively trying to fix their own issues.

We can also decide that even though they are trying the impact is too big on us and distance ourselves.

But if they aren’t actually trying to better themselves there is nothing we can do except protect ourselves.

Your sister needs to look into co-dependence and trauma-bonding (if not in this case then for future reference), and focus on becoming emotionally independent rather than confusing nurturing with doormat. She can only fix her own issues, not her friends. And learn that not every friend is worth the title.

I would be fine about being asked, asking wouldn’t affect the relationship, but I would say no because I don’t want it.

If they did it anyway, or without even asking, I would end the relationship and probably make a police report. How many other boundaries are they willing to cross or have already crossed? Is there a camera in my shower? It would make me incredibly worried to deal with that level of disrespect.

Are you sure you’re underperforming, or is that just an idea you came up with yourself? Have you talked to a boss or manager about their expectations for your role and if you are meeting those expectations?

It may just be a self-sabotaging thought, and getting confirmation that you are meeting expectations could let you relax and work at a preferred or natural pace without stressing about your performance.

Told me that I was welcome to participate in any meeting and that my input was valued, but also told me when a meeting wouldn’t involve me or my work and I was free to sit almost any of them out. Even for regularly scheduled meetings, they’d let each of us know if we were actually needed that week or simply welcome. I appreciated being able to decide best where that time should go instead of wasting away in meetings.

Some weeks would be like 15 hours of meetings for the team, with only like 4 hours directly involving me. But I don’t have to go wherever my team goes, we’re not codependent like that, lol.

Also they listened for input, and actually listened. Even for things outside my expertise, if I had an idea it would be considered and implemented if it was suitable.

Fairly regularly (every other month or so) they’d pop their head in and be like “wanna go for a walk?, I have a gap in 30 min”, and we’d have a 15 min walk-n-talk about the work place, time management, work / life balance, teamwork, suggestions and feedback for management - anything about working there that wasn’t about the actual work.

They were really all about listening to the employees in every area.

Not surprising; it’s far more practical to get information across by switching to a language you both speak fluently. If you ask the other person to help you practice the language, it would change the task from “information” to “training”, and you’d probably have better luck in speaking German if that’s the expressed goal.

Communicate your wants, or you’ll end up with the most efficient route to the end of the interaction. 'Tis the German way.

That sounds horrible. I struggle with energy a lot, but not to the degree you’re describing so I can’t imagine…

I generally think we should be careful with self-medicating, and I don’t know if this is allowed on this forum so I’ll accept any consequences:

Have you tried amphetamines/stimulants? Like a very low dose, not anything to make life a party but just a hint to get yourself going, lower than anything you think of. Only early in the morning and no refills during the day, so it won’t interfere with your sleep and won’t build tolerance. And only pure shit, a thoroughly tested substance, not street-meth or other untested garbage that can be mixed with fentanyl and cocaine and a host of other substances - I mean like actual adhd-medication.

It’s not going to solve whatever underlying issue you have (unless it’s ADHD, lol), but if it makes you function and feel better it while figuring it out it could be worth it. Ideally as prescribed by a doctor to monitor your heart and health over time.

Regardless , I hope you find whatever you need to feel better and more energetic.