My earworm is whichever song is playing in a public space I’m in. I’m physically incapable of tuning out music & most sounds in public spaces.

I’m very thankful that my boss doesn’t mind me wearing noise cancelling headphones while I’m at my desk.

I bring earbuds with me to the grocery store & the mall. I’m glad I don’t have to ride the bus all the time and listen to other peoples music & tiktok videos.

Sounds similar to a navy shower:

• turn on water just enough to get your body damp, then turn it off
• lather up your washcloth/loofah with soap, then lather yourself up
• turn water back on just long enough to get the soap off

Referencing an unpopular future possibility - “that’ll go over like a turd in a punch bowl”

Describing something you don’t miss - “I miss that like I’d miss a case of the clap”

Rain coming in at a weird angle - “this rain is like a cow pissing on a flat rock”

When someone says they wish some specific thing would happen - “wish in one hand, shit in the other, see which one fills up first”

When you’re unenthusiastic about something - “I’d rather shit in my hands and clap”

It was funnier & less cringe-inducing than season 1 was.

• Kevin Hart -> 5’2” / 158 cm
• The Rock -> 6’4” / 193 cm
• Shaq -> 7’1” / 216 cm
• Yao Ming -> 7’6” / 229 cm

Shame that Voyager doesn’t appear to have a way to input a clean table in a comment.

When I was in early elementary school, my dad would take me & my sister to the local mall. He would get us all books at the Waldenbooks - he would get a scifi pulp novel, I would get a Garfield book, and my sister would get a Calvin & Hobbes book. Then he’d take us to a restaurant there in the mall, and we’d have a nice leisurely lunch while reading our new books.

You are 100% correct

I didn’t have a bully in high school, but my middle school bully is serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole - he broke into an old woman’s house, raped her, murdered her, robbed her house, and got caught because he used her credit cards at the mall.

Chatgpt suggests that with a 0.3mm tip pen, and writing letters no more than 2mm x 2mm, you could fit roughly 1000 names per side of an a4 sheet.

So if you’re fine with the default means of killing, and use both sides of the paper, you could take out about 2000 people.

As far as how I would personally use it? I’d put down maybe two or three names per month. I don’t have the greatest fine motor skills around, so I could fit maybe 250 names per side at most.

Who would I target? Idk. My first thought would be people like Putin & Kim Jong Un, but the concern there is if those two chucklefucks suddenly die, their countries will descend into chaos and there’s no telling what will happen to their nukes.

Most any job I’ve ever had: drop a log on the boss’s desk

Two jobs ago: I worked at a teapot factory. If you walked the length of the plant floor and hit the emergency stop on each production line, that would be a good way to disappear quickly.

Mike: Walter shut the fuck up and let me die in peace

Walter: doesn’t shut the fuck up, to nobody’s surprise

I liked Madame Web.

I know in most places online that’s tantamount to saying you enjoy being mean to puppies & kittens, but I enjoyed the movie.

Why? Because of the precognition plot element. Was it as smooth & impressive as Knives Out? No, but I’m still glad I watched it.

“Jared from Subway is such an inspiration!”

Ha! Not sure how much that would have helped, since I’d have still looked like Peter Griffin albeit with perky boobs.

Drunk: brazenly hitting on a lesbian who was holding hands with her partner

High: one time at the dentist, they gave me anesthesia prior to oral surgery (remember to brush & floss, kids). I was high enough that I thought they were going to give me a boob job instead of a root canal. Because I was high as a kite, I couldn’t really move or communicate, so I just went in & out of consciousness. This was a dozen or so years ago, and I just remember being confused the rest of the day about it.

LIGHTYEARS by Dirt Monkey

Part of why it’s so catchy for me is how it samples Suzanne Vega’s hit Tom’s Diner.

Normal conversational speed: dubya

Enunciating: double you

Need to be unambiguous: whiskey

Ah, little Bobby Tables

I get a week and a half off without having to use any vacation time. Ideally, I’ll get to have a day where I can just sit on my butt and not do shit.

I think I was around 10 when I first realized it.

What clued me in was my dad, whose favorite meal was a tuna sandwich and a diet coke, insisting that Santa didn’t want milk & cookies, Santa wanted a tuna sandwich and diet coke.