I’m pretty much also in the boat so thanks for writing out a lot of what I was already thinking, lol.
I absolutely do have some imposter syndrome but what I’ve chosen to do about it is be completely open with others about having it (I don’t advise this if you’re a doctor or something like that, I’m in a creative-and-thereby-totally-subjective field). I found that being open about it or anxieties has in turn made others more open in turn, and it’s made the nagging voice in the back of my head a lot quieter.
My best advice for you OP is to learn to really, truly forgive yourself. For little blunders or whatever else, learning to not beat myself up over mistakes or embarrassment was life-changing in terms of being able to curate a sunnier attitude toward my own self.
As someone who plays in an orchestra professionally, I totally 1000% agree with you. It’s a weird fine line that I enjoy music, but I do it as a career because I really enjoy playing with other people and the music itself is almost secondary. Good luck explaining that to people who Really Like Classical Music, lol.
There’s a lot of elitism in it and it sadly alienates a lot of would-be concert goers, I feel like.