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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: August 1st, 2023

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  • “Latest hack you figured out”

    As a new parent, there have been countless little hacks shared with me that really helped my life. The first one: “sometimes babies just need to cry it out” (within reason). Helped me drop the parent guilt of hearing your baby cry and not being able to fix it right away.

    Latest one: if you are excited, they will likely be as well. (Experiences of potty training)



  • My situation has changed over the months, and the stint in which my partner was home while I was working was short, so this is based a bit on that and a bit on the following re-calibrations.

    We try to divide tasks according to what we like doing. My husband likes doing the bath, while I like going out of the house with the kid. This means that those times are win-win: one parent is doing a fun task and the other is having some chill me-time. So we try to get as many of those tasks in as we can manage.

    When he was home, I’d take my work commute to decompress and as soon as I was home I was in charge for at least an hour. Often, I’d be setting up a bath for the little one and my husband to enjoy. After the little one’s bath, my husband would take his own bath to chill. He would usually be responsible for dinner, but because he likes cooking and I could spend some time with the kid. After the kid was in bed, it was date time for an hour or so.

    He’d have the late nights wake ups because I needed my sleep. I’d have the early morning wake ups, that were more rare.

    It took a lot of communication to figure out a good balance that worked for everyone and that made us feel fulfilled. The second part became soon very important, we didn’t want to feel like all we did was changing diapers and cleaning up puke, so we needed to find things we could look forward to. Now that the kid is a bit older, it’s just fun to play with him.



  • My little piece of advice: you don’t have to think about the future, tomorrow, next week, they are all far off. Think about now, this hour, the next 5 minutes, or whatever stretch of time seems manageable. What do you do now? Cook dinner? Watch a show? Cry in the shower? The future might be scary and too much to manage now. You’ll handle it when you get to it. Now, you only have to think about right now.

    Verbena tea is calming and soothing. Lavender is relaxing. Green tea for me is a calming ritual.

    You got this. Maybe it doesn’t feel like it, but you only need to do one step, and you got that one step.




  • A lot depends on your mindset. In particular nowadays, we are constantly focused on the future. Everything is seen as a stepping stone towards something else. So naturally, happiness becomes a faraway goal: “I’ll be happy when that happens”, but as son as that is reached, a new goal appears. To be happy, you need to live in the present. Accept the limitations of it, and thrive on the rest. Not every situation allows for happiness, but most allow for at least some happiness.

    I also think that humans are social animals, so happiness should be found in the connections we have with others, friends, blood family and chosen family.


  • Seems like the marshmallow problem. Even if she knows there is reward, she gets sidetracked.

    Can you try doing your own “homework” while she has to? Like sitting down and reading a book next to her, to drop potential distractions. Maybe more actively redirecting her towards her homework?

    All the best! Since you have a winner in the house, you might be able to decript what your wife does ;)


  • How old is she?

    Kids mimic: has she seen you postponing your own “homework” until the last minute? Cooking, cleaning up and so on? In particular since you said that’s your genes at work.

    Do you offer her a good moment to do her homework? Like a quiet time as soon as you both get home during which nothing exciting happens or can happen?

    These are just suggestions from my own childhood, so feel free to discard everything, but I hope they can be useful to start some brainstorming!




  • Last week I had to keep home my kid from daycare last minute. I am in EU, I have significant protections. I called my boss and I stayed home with my kid, no problem. I can do this for up to three consecutive days without doctor’s notice, endlessly with doctor’s notice.

    In US, during COVID second wave, a colleague of mine had a daughter that got Covid. Then both parents got Covid. When he called to tell HR he had to go to the ER, he still got told he had no sick leave, he had to show up at work (in person, with Covid, a sick wife and a sick kid). This was as a research fellow in one of US top universities, by the way.

    Situations differ wildly, let’s try to not judge too quickly.




  • The Lord of the Rings trilogy, by Tolkien

    I return to it ever couple of years, always in bad times and often in good times too. Everyone is trying to do the best they can, contributing what they can. Only few characters are at all malicious. Emotions are deep and powerful, portrayed lightly. The whole story is a great collaboration where wildly different people overcome their differences to reach a single, all-encompassing goal.



  • I’m normally pretty good about falling asleep, but I have a bout of insomnia a while back, I’ll share what worked for me.

    Make it a ritual: every day do things in the same order. Don’t make it over complicated, but some 10 minutes to wind down by always performing the same actions in the same order. Example: brush teeth, select clothes for tomorrow, change in your pajamas, go to bed.

    Write down your recurring thoughts (this one was particularly useful to me): if there is a thought that you just can’t let go, write it down and assure yourself you’re not going to forget it, you are putting it aside for tomorrow. Then the next morning read what you wrote and consider it a minute.

    An a bonus:

    The bed is for sleeping: don’t do anything else other than sleeping in bed. If sleeping is not happening, give up, stroll around a minute, and try again in 5 minutes. (honestly, this one didn’t work for me, but maybe it works for you!)