You touch your bare shit covered ass?
I bought a cheap $30 Chinese bidet that uses water pressure to blast the shit crust off without touching anything or even getting off the toilet seat, then I wipe dry with TP.
Your setup looks and sounds barbaric.
I’m only kidding about the barbarism; any use of any bidet elevates people above others. You are likely sophisticated, intelligent and attractive for simply removing the chance of “swamp ass” completely out of the equation, regardless of your methods.