I’ve had several conversations/arguments recently with my brother making clear my system of values and my hatred for the wealthy. He is nearly diametrically opposed on all accounts and often makes light of their actions. He goes so far as to say that poor people and people in need of social services should have to figure things out for themselves. He often defends Elon Musk and champions him for being self made.
He is getting married in a foreign country soon and I have been able to put aside our differences and have been planning on going
…up until yesterday that is. I asked him of his thoughts on Musk’s seig heil maneuver and he sent a right wing meme of democratic leaders caught mid wave, saying that “they did it first”. He continued to be avoidant and didn’t respond to me calling it a strawman.
In this moment it feels necessary to cancel my plans to send a message that this is not ok. Am I the (or an) asshole for not going to his wedding because of this?
I have compromised with my family my entire life and it has taken a mental toll on me. They have talked down to me and ridiculed my values for much of my life. I am deeply committed to human rights on a personal level and spend much of my free time volunteering in my community. These are not minor values. Perhaps I’m being extreme but making light of a nazi salute is also quite extreme.
IMHO, this is the core / bigger issue. Maybe work on this first.
Your brother isn’t just passively going along with it because “muh eggs expensive,” he’s drank the kool-aid and he’s a lost cause. Don’t listen to these fucking concavebrains telling you to pal around with enthusiastic supporters of nazis, especially when it comes at the expense of your health.
Go to the wedding. That is a really big deal. After that don’t engage with him on politics. Maybe don’t engage at all. Show up for birthdays and maybe a holiday or two. Do the ‘quiet quitting’ of family interaction. You aren’t going to change their mind. I’ve been trying for 20+ years and it’s just gotten worse.
Why drag it out? The brother is clearly a lost cause, OP should just burn that bridge already instead of suffering longer than is necessary.
I still think you should go. And also I can’t judge if you are political online only or not but if you truly spend a lot of your time working based on your values and they belittle you, you do need to draw a line.
Them attacking you, if true, is different from you picking a fight with your brother over a minor issue.
I agree with the other commenter that you go to the wedding then make your decision. Them liking musk and you not going to their once in a life time event is a nuclear escalation.